Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Blessing Number 999

I slept like a baby girl on a pillow of fluffy goodness last night. Why you may ask? Well the Cupcake household was blessed with a brand new, fluffy, soft, mattress from heaven. To some people, this would seem like a very routine purchase; your old mattress is dead, so you need a new one. For me, it was blessing number 999. I can remember in the not so distant past, days when I wasn't sure how I was going to provide the very basic of necessities for myself. There was one night in particular, in the winter, when the heat had been shutoff and I had no hot water. I was unbelievably sick with a temperature so high that I could not stop my body from shaking violently, but there was no way that I could afford a trip to the emergency room. I had never felt so alone and quite honestly, scared. So as I lay there, crying, I said to a higher power with all honesty and conviction, "I can't do this anymore. I cannot carry this load. My life is yours". Even today, 11 years later, when I close my eyes, I can smell every smell, see myself pitiful and broken, like it was yesterday. This was a huge point for me; I always strived to be very independent, make people see that I could handle any situation, everything was perfectly fine in my little world; basically I didn't want to burden anyone. Pride is such a powerful thing. So, the next morning I did not wake to my heat magically turned on, hot water flowing, food stocked in my fridge and birds singing at my window, but I did wake. To be perfectly honest, my life proved to be even more challenging over the next 8 years, but the difference was that my path was placed in front of my eyes. It was my duty to make the choices that would honor my promise. I believe that when you pray, meditate, beg; your higher power gives you the ability to fulfill your own request. If you ask for strength, you get the opportunity to be strong, if you ask for love, you get the opportunity to learn how. I asked for a new life and my higher power steered me as long as I did not question. So, when a huge decision came up, instead of stressing or over thinking, my mind settled and somehow I knew the choice would make itself. That's how I ended up in Lexington, ultimately, meeting my husband and being blessed with the love that I needed. Every member of my most cherished extended family has come into my life through the most routine, daily occurrences. Like we were just waiting for our time to meet. Even reconnecting with family members has happened, I believe, when we could truly appreciate one another. People ask me, "How did you come up with the idea for the cupcake shoppe?" and I answer very honestly, "I don't know." They look at me like I am a little crazy, but it is a completely honest answer. I woke up one morning and just knew this was supposed to happen. That was blessing number 998 and it was a huge one because through the shoppe, I have met some of the most amazing, creative, loving people. It happens everyday when someone new walks through the door looking for their sugar fix.

So as I laid my head down last night, surrounded by pillowy-goodness, I said two words, "Thank you." The same two words that I have said every night for the last 11 years. Blessing number 999.

Peace & Love,

1 comment:

Colin's Mom said...

That was such a moving post. I had no idea you had suffered and overcome so much. I'm so proud of you for your direction and your positive attitude. My 95-year old grandmother says that a positive attitude is the key to longevity - who am I to question that wisdom?! Thanks for sharing your story.